• WiFi: connected
  • Me: then fucking act like it

kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails

(via gingertabbies)

… its too early for this bullshit.
Me, no matter what time it is (via natashakills)

(via lubricates)

spoof:

there should be a dating website called ebae

(via lubricates)

When you hookup with a guy and he doesn’t get your number

whatshouldbetchescallme:

Most girls

Betches

vvhitehouse:

awwww-cute:

Show off

THE LITTLE PAW SHOWING THROUGH THE BOWL IM WEAK

vvhitehouse:

awwww-cute:

Show off

THE LITTLE PAW SHOWING THROUGH THE BOWL IM WEAK

(via zackisontumblr)

When someone says they were never really into Disney movies

whatshouldbetchescallme:

empressranaground:

therothwoman:

Pixar can never top this.

Can we take a moment to appreciate the fact that the best loved line from this movie comes from a character we never even got to see?

(via gnarly)

clestroying:

sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am i to diss a brie

(via parkingstrange)

sofapizza:

naughtywater:

funniestpicturesdaily:

Not the time for a dad joke.

He’s ready.

the time is nigh

sofapizza:

naughtywater:

funniestpicturesdaily:

Not the time for a dad joke.

He’s ready.

the time is nigh

(via lubricates)

beesmygod:

pepperonideluxe:

I’m on a quest to write the worst video game joke. Care to join me?

oh my GOD

beesmygod:

pepperonideluxe:

I’m on a quest to write the worst video game joke. Care to join me?

oh my GOD

(via zackisontumblr)

kiransingh:

the only domestic instinct my parents have managed to pass on to me is the tendency to hoard multiple plastic bags in another plastic bag despite the fact that I will probably never need this many plastic bags in my adult life

(via sniffing)

stacksbreadup:

This deadass the funniest tweet ever.

stacksbreadup:

This deadass the funniest tweet ever.

(via lubricates)